8. Love is Easy. Partnership Is a Compromise.

I was 25 years old when I met my husband. At the time I was still hanging out with my high school friends. So meeting my husband was late in the game, comparatively. They were getting married and a few of them were having children. I was the girl who had different boyfriends since gr. 10. At the time not knowing what you needed in a life partner. Who knows at 15 years old?

Then at 21 years old I broke up with a guy for all the wrong reasons. I didn't realize a life partner was an everyday best friend. Someone you want to sit and do nothing with on a Friday night. Why would I have known that at 21? I was just getting started. Looking back at it now, he would have checked all the boxes but I'm so glad my 21 year old immature self broke up with that guy and the next one because my universe would not have led me to my now husband.

When I first met my husband he was different from all the rest. Very eclectic one would say.  Nerdy, even.  He loved fantasy novels, swords and his profession was engineering. And yet, his conversation skills were impeccable. The first time we talked the conversation just flowed. No awkward silence. Just questions and curiosity from the both of us to want to get to know each other. I could say I was pretty smitten with him within the week. Shhh… don't tell him that. And the fact that he can ramble on about any hockey stat was an obvious yes for my family.

I'm writing this entry because it has been just under 16 years together and we still are as strong as we were when we first met. How do I hold on to this? I think about it more than he knows.

When I first met Adam, he told me he dreams of becoming Prime Minister of Canada despite the fact that he can't speak French. I laughed. Imagine me, the Prime Minister of Canada's wife. At that time, I hadn't even voted yet. Shhh, again, don't tell him. However, as the years went on, he slowly taught me about politics. Never telling me who to ever vote for or educate me in a biased way. He was just explaining what was going on from all the angles. It wasn't until I started working in Squamish that it clicked. I started to understand it. Not saying I'm a guru at it but I'm starting to get it. That's what 16 years of growing together looks like. You slowly become part of each other's worlds without even noticing it's happening.

It is easy to get caught up in your own life. It's easy to want to start new things.  New things are shiny, exciting and irresistible! Because it is easy to lose yourself when you have children. You forget who you were before diapers and feedings. You start to find yourself again and you start rolling with it but somewhere in that rediscovery you forget about the person standing right beside you. The one who is also in the messy, beautiful life you are building together.

I know I do this. My brain is always creating. Always wanting more. Doing more. And somewhere in all of that I have to stop and remember my partner has wants and desires too. When did I last ask him what he needs? When did I last make space for that?

So when it was time for the Lions Bay municipality election, I knew it was going to be either me or Adam running. We all know Adam was the 100% way better choice. We signed him up and now he's walking the streets and knocking on our neighbours doors sharing why he would make a great Lions Bay councillor. I'm not entirely sure this is what he wanted. But I wanted to bring out that guy I first met. The one who wanted to be Prime Minister.

On a much smaller scale. Lol!

I sit back and listen and observe other marriages and partnerships these days and wonder how I can make sure we don't go down the road of separation or even divorce. How do we still stay in love? How do we stay invested in each other? How do we stay supportive of one another? I don't have the answers. What I do know is that we try our hardest!  Doing hard things is hard.  It is not easy.  We need to not fall too far behind with each other's interests because damn it, raising children, working full time, cleaning the house, doing all the house chores, it is so easy to fall behind. It's so easy to forget why we fell in love.

When the councillor submission form was handed in I knew I was going to support him in every way I can. Adam has been my biggest support through all my adventures. And trust me, I'm always on a new adventure or have a new idea. Clearly, as you are reading this right now. But I knew I had to support him through this journey. I can't be the only one that does all the new adventures. I made a promise to him in marriage and I believe that marriage is a partnership. Sometimes in a partnership you have to step back so the other person can step forward. Right now it's my time to step back. So he can do what he loves.  

Talking. Lol.

Why did we want to start a life together?

Because of days exactly like this one.

-Dani